you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize