I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
