my shit smells like andre
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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