I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize