If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
