U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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