I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
