i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
