you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
