There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
