I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
