I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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