im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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