no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
