And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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