no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
