btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
