I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize