just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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