he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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