I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
