he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
