Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize