I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
