K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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