I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
