I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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