you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize