somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
