the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
