I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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