You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
