apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
