He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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