at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
