More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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