he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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