If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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