The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
