Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
