bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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