Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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