why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am naked and annoyed.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
