I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
