Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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