Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
