He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
