My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
