Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Duck Duck Cougar?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i now understand why vodka
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
