guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
