He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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