have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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