goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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