Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
