I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
