Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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