he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize