Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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