I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
