I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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