I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
