Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
