i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so let's talk penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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