Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
