TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
