Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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