you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
