yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
