Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
