he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
