tell your sister to shave her snatch
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
