Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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