She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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