i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
