All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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