when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just high enough for therapy.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
